The Rat Catcher Contention
by Concupiscence66
Summary: Follow up to episode "Alien Parasite".  What happened between Raj and Howard after Leonard fell asleep?  Serious slashy smut.


"I'm going to kick your ass into your next reincarnation."

Howard gave Raj a steely glare that said, "That's not a threat, my young Indian friend, that's a promise."

"What are you doing with your face? You look like you're having a seizure."

"Big talk from a wannabe superhero whose Achilles heel is a girl working the counter at McDonald's."

"That's not funny, dude! I ended up having to drink a Mr. Pibb. Mr. Pibb sucks. He couldn't even get his doctorate like Dr. Pepper. Oops! Did I touch a nerve... _Mr_. Wolowitz?"

"Yes, I only have a masters from MIT while _you_ have a Ph.D. from the Kwiki-U in astrophysics and telemarketing."

"That's racist."

"What was your job while you were in grad school, Paul Smith from Boston, New England? You know New England isn't a state, right?"

"Now I do and just because something is true doesn't mean it's not racist. Superheros can't be racist."

"Superheros can't be afraid to talk to a damsel in distress unless he's three sheets to the wind."

"I am going to send you crying home to your mamma. Wait, that's what you do every night. I'll send you crying to your girlfriend."

"Leave Bernadette out of this."

Raj stopped circling, "Dude! Did you break up again?"

Howard's piercing green eyes were currently piercing the floor.

"What did you do?"

"I don't want to talk about it!'

"Did you try and get her to wear my catwoman costume? You know she's too short to rock..."

"I don't want to talk about it!"

"Okay. Don't worry Howard... She ain't worth it!"

"Yes she is."

"Yeah. She's pretty amazing. She's pretty, smart, she pretends to think you're funny..."

"Not helping, Raj!"

"Tell me what happened. Did you spank her? You always rush the spanking..."

Raj was suddenly flat on his back staring at the ceiling. For a moment, he thought he'd passed out but then Howard was yelling in his face.

"I. Don't. Want. To. Talk. About. It!"

Damn! He was losing! Raj glanced over to make sure Leonard was still sleeping. He did not want a witness to his being taken down by 94 lbs of un-Kosher flesh.

He was able to wrestle his way out from under Howard but he couldn't quite pin him. Despite Raj's obvious weight advantage (and the fact he actually had some muscles). Howard was clearly the more determined fighter. His friend's hands were like bony claws digging into his flesh. Howard was gripping his wrists so hard the skin turned as white as... well as white as Howard.

Raj found himself back on his back with Howard on top of him, his face contorted with the effort. Raj swung his leg around Howard's hips and used the momentum to roll them over. He used his entire body to hold his wiry friend in place.

Now that he was lying on top of Howard, he realized things were getting a little... weird. It was perfectly normal for them both to have erections, after all that was a normal response to a surge of adrenaline. As Howard said it was the three Fs. Fight, flight or sex.

_"But sex doesn't start with an F."_

_"I believe he is referring to the fact fornication, another word for sex, begins with an F," offered Sheldon, unreasonably pleased with himself as usual._

_"The F stands for fucking," Leonard corrected._

_"Well that's crass," snapped Sheldon._

_"That's why it's funny," Howard retorted, looking to Raj for support._

_"So fucking is funny?" Raj asked._

It didn't seem very funny at the moment.

"Howard?"

"What?"

"Should we stop?"

"Why? Are you afraid of losing?" Howard was rather full of bravado for a man pinned to the ground. Raj heaved a sigh.

"Don't sigh in my face!"

Raj turned his head to the side and heaved another sigh. Howard was squirming underneath him, his hard-on rubbed against Raj's stomach. Raj glanced at Leonard to make sure he was still sound asleep. He was a terrible ref. He turned back to face Howard who looked for all the world like he hated Raj at that moment. He let go. Howard was on top of him in a minute but Raj wasn't resisting.

"Are you giving up?" taunted Howard, his green eyes flashing with... something. Raj was afraid to guess. He wondered again why Howard and Bernadette had broken up. He had a feeling he knew why.

Raj opened his mouth to speak and nothing came out. Oh, no. He closed his eyes and kept them closed as Howard's lips brushed his own. The second time he'd felt Howard's lips on his own but the first time it was on purpose. That first kiss had been an accident. Freud said there was no such thing as accidents. Raj tried to capture Howard's lower lip but he kept moving his mouth. Now he was kissing Raj's jaw and his neck.

"But I'm cold, Sheldon... two degrees..."

Leonard was talking in his sleep.

"Leonard is dreaming about arguing with Sheldon?" whispered Howard, "Those guys are so gay for each other. Let's get out of here."

Raj and Howard didn't even change out of their singlets, they just threw clothes on top. Howard's dicky was hanging outside of his shirt. They were striding as quickly as possible across the parking lot, stealing the occasional glance at one another. Raj's stomach was in knots. This was crazy. This was really going to happen. This was crazy.

This was finally going to happen.

And then they were in front of Leonard's car.

They shared a deep sigh and began running back to the gym.

Five minutes later they were practically dragging a sleepy Leonard between them.

"Who won?"

"That has yet to be decided."

Howard's smug tone was the perfect match to the smug look on his face. Raj would have issued a pithy retort if his vocal chords were working.

They poked Leonard and pulled his hair until they were sure he was awake enough to drive himself home after he dropped them off at Howard's scooter in front of the natural sciences building.

Safety first.

Speaking of safety.

Raj tried to remember the last time he bought condoms. He hoped they weren't expired.

Howard called his mom and said he was staying at Raj's for the night. Raj tried to imagine feeling even MORE uncomfortable in front of Mrs. Wolowitz after tonight.

"I'm not going to stay up all night rough housing... Ma! It's not even a school night!"

When Raj finally climbed on the scooter behind Howard, he felt sure anyone watching them would know exactly what they were preparing to do. Well, not exactly. Raj wasn't even sure what was really about to happen but he felt sure their intentions were writ large on their faces, their bodies, the way Raj wrapped his arms around Howard's waist. Raj's hands only strayed from Howard's waist once during the ride. They were at a stop light.

He slid his hands down, just barely cupping Howard's erection. He heard a sigh so startlingly erotic, he snapped his hands back to Howard's waist. Then he realized the noise had come from his own throat. Howard might win this one.

It took forever to get their clothes off. Howard's pants seemed to be painted on his body and under that was the the red singlet. He was tempted to grab a pair of scissors to speed things along but eventually, he made it to the Green Lantern underwear. The conveniently placed Green Lantern symbol glowed in the dark like a shiny beacon of prurience. Howard seemed hesitant to remove that final piece of clothing so Raj simply stroked him through the material. He knew Howard was uncomfortable being nude in front of other guys. He never understood why, Howard certainly had no reason to be modest. He could only imagine that someone who watched as much porn as Howard thought anything under a foot was small.

He kissed Howard's pale chest and moved down to his belly and then further. He kissed Howard through his underwear, mouthing the bulge, tugging the material with his teeth until Howard was wriggling beneath him just like he had at the gym. He took his time pulling that final layer away. When he finally took Howard in his mouth, his friend's entire body tensed.

"Oh god. Oh, no. Raj. Slow down. Oh man."

Raj moved his mouth slowly up and down the shaft. Howard was so near the edge and he didn't want it to be over so soon. Howard whimpered when Raj released him from his mouth. He tried to speak but his vocal chords remained paralyzed. He hoped he could convey his thoughts as he stared into Howard's eyes and stroked his friend's cock firmly with his his hand. Howard seemed to get the idea and suddenly became shy. He looked everywhere but Raj's face as he approached his climax. Raj worked his hand faster and faster, his other hand gently massaging Howard's balls until Howard's eyes squeezed shut and his face contorted into a mask of pain/pleasure and he exploded in Raj's hand. Raj was awestruck but he finally managed to speak.

"Dude..."

Howard laughed and in a moment, he had Raj pinned.

"Guess what, Rat Catcher?"

"What... Mouse Boy?"

"I'm going to suck your cock until you come in my mouth."

Raj's eyes nearly rolled back in his head. Howard was definitely going to win.

Howard was as good as his word and soon he had Raj whimpering as he tried to hold off his orgasm for a few more delicious moments. He never wanted the feeling end. Howard's mouth was so hot and wet and Raj tried to think about one of Sheldon's lectures anything but that light scrape of teeth and then Howard made a humming noise deep in his chest.

The hum echoed through every part of Raj's body but mainly in his dick. He gave a strangled cry as he came in his best friend's mouth.

They decided not to tell their friends about the change in their relationship just yet. It was still too new. There was too much to talk about.

"So, did you determine who will be the hero and who will be the sidekick?" Sheldon asked them Monday over lunch.

Raj and Howard exchanged looks.

Howard answered for them.

"We decided to take turns."

"An admirable solution," approved Sheldon.

"So..." asked Leonard, "was the sex good?"

Sheldon glared at his roommate, "I thought we agreed in the car this morning to pretend to be surprised when they told us!"


End file.
